Now what do I do about finding what I had originally wanted before this started? This time it will not be in the form of what I had imagined. I'm quite satisfied with that. I had imagined that the person you call your significant other would be your "friend" to begin with. It turns out that the "friends" I've had that I wish to keep close (and there are few) are uninterested in pursuing, beyond being my "special friend", something lasting - in the romantic sense. Mostly this is due to difference in lifestyle choice.
I am unique in that I do not live within the city limits, that I do not have or want children, and do not pursue career/education with unwavering doggedness. For some reason, that makes me unique. I refuse, I most vehemently refuse, as I always have, to capitulate and adopt to the ridiculous idiosyncrasies of other human beings. You have to learn to live with me, as much as you have to learn with anyone else, as much as I have to learn to live with you. I will not obey, I will not assimilate. The time you invest in looking for perfect is wasted - look for human.