It lets me rant. Ranting is bad. It's funny as hell to some people, but its bad.
What is the secret to life?.. How does one become happy?.. I thought that I was happy with the giant transformation that I took up 6 years ago. It was a DRASTIC transformation. And it was a good one. However I've noticed that I've slipped back into my beginning mentality. The one I had when I was 19 where I would conqueor financial life quickly - where I would own a house and not have to pay rent - where I was completely and totally independant. Should I continue down this path? It's scary to think that I could end up again grinding to the same halt that I experienced at age 28. It took someone pointing it out then that I had no life, because I had very little human connection. I look around and realize that I've again let all human connection go.
One of the major lessons that I learned in that transformation was that I REALLY DON'T HATE PEOPLE. I quite enjoy their presence. I crave it. When I reconnoiter my past interactions with people in person, I still feel that I've failed miserably in most instances. I have a huge problem with reaching out. The ways in which I reach out I think indicate weakness and gullability.
I would just once like to not have to force myself to talk to anyone that I don't know without some coy or sarcastic reaction - and then continue that relation unstumpped for words or conversation - and then have a friend based on mutual understanding or idea, and not some shared past negative event in our lives.